Hazy smoke danced around her
as if to grab her attention..
as it slowly faded into the air
She looked around wishing to care..
The sun-kissed faces
laughing and sharing of the different places..
she hid within the walls of her confined spaces..
voices asking who she was, why she was
until she could no longer take it..
shielding her eyes
Holding her breath, begging for rest
from the demons she felt within her chest..
A light mist surrounded her
And in her mental confusion
she welcomed the haze as her safe place
evaporating there for the rest of her days..
she hears sounds
Sees the lips moving..
The praises bestowed upon her full of empty air
Choking her silent until she couldn't care
muting her with expectations
silencing her with his cold indifference
He shut her down by dismissing her thoughts
Unaware that she was disappearing into the words..
she heard & felt all the judgement until she wore it like her skin
She became invisible..
No one saw the destruction she had become
All was not well within the walls of her home
Nothing would revive the corpse of her soul
he loved her cruelly until she was no more
you walk a path that is yours alone..
one that has spun out of control
Inner demons ruling your mind while you struggle to break free..
let us take the fear, the pain and the demons away
we won’t let them stay..
find the reasons
Hold on to them tight
this is your fight
it was not, is not yours to carry
you’re living in bondage..
a sad empty broken place of untruths in your mind and heart..
Depleting you of a satisfied soul.. therein lies that beautiful peace you’re seeking..
I feel the battles of your heart
Let’s fight harder
We won’t turn away
We won’t give up on you today
You are perfectly wonderfully made..
Angels are stronger than demons
you will see light in the dark
open up your heart..
What if it doesn’t get better..
You could choose to find life meaningless
You could choose to be empty
You could choose to be lost
You could choose to feel alone
You could hope for more
You could live as if the best is yet to come with
You could keep searching for life’s answers..
It’s always shifting
revealing silver linings everywhere..
Just enough to get you through..
allowing the eyes of your heart to be opened..
He never quit believing…and he acted on what he believed.
She existed…faceless, voiceless, unseen. Her thoughts rambling–in-cohesive…if I get it out on paper, it’s not screaming in my head. At least that’s what they say. I’m naked, open, vulnerable. Words no longer making sense–vibrating in my mind until they seep through the cracks of my skull…tired, worn and in need of rest from her own thoughts. That bit of knowledge escapes her though. She puts the journal down and throws the pen as far as she can and waits. Her big, beautiful hazel eyes following it as the pen sails through the air. She was hoping it would hit the water. Then she gets distracted–a problem in her life lately. The music gets louder–setting her thoughts free. She knows this song must have been written for her. The relief it brings to her soul is magical. Unaware that the music has brought her to her feet–she is spinning, arms stretched out catching the wind, carefree and weightless. Eyes closed and smiling she is that young girl again–lost in time. Refusing to reconcile the past and present, she spins faster and faster until her legs get tangled up in her long, white skirt. The fall is gentle as she lands in the sand. She is a beautiful mess… long, tangled, brown hair going every direction and sand sprinkled all over her now. She can’t help but giggle as she sits up wiping the sand off her mouth. Her smile gives way to sadness…her look becomes sullen and the tears come quickly. I’m living someone else’s dream; she lifts her head and screams, but only in her mind. Can anyone hear me?…running 100 miles an hour in the wrong direction–does anyone see me disappearing?
Everyone tells her she is fine, that it will all pass. It’s just a phase and her cup will overflow when she gets back up on her feet. The weariness cannot be hidden–her very footsteps revealing her angst…I don’t know where I belong or where I’m going. Living a thousand lives but none of them mine… I can’t do it anymore. She misses her–that reflection looking back at her. So many dreams shattered–gone forever. There are memories of a once carefree and happy girl. Entranced in her thoughts, she smiles and traces the outline of her face in the window of a busy coffee shop as she passes by it. She is unaware of the stares. She draws strength. I don’t know you but I want to…I have a choice…I have time… Is this my hopeful voice I hear?…
The sound of the waves crashing against the rocks lulls her to sleep. The tension along her forehead easing off as she gives into the peaceful sleep it brings her. This is all she wants at the moment–surrounded by her children, husband and the ocean. It’s never long enough–her thoughts creeping back in–exploding in her mind. Pain, anger and frustration return along with that all to familiar lump in her throat. Why is my heart restless?…I cannot be the only one feeling this way. Anger sets her on a path of self destruction but it will be friendship, love and acceptance that break her free from the valley of the shadow of death.
Life is hers for the taking–so many possibilities, so many choices. Dancing and singing on broadway and teaching children have danced in her mind for as long as she can remember. Her long, slender body, with all its’ grace and poise is a display of all she hopes for; each small tattoo revealing a layer of her dreams. But she is fearful of choosing the wrong one. Everyone wants something different for her. Everyone seems to know exactly what will make her happy… except her. Disappointment is her biggest enemy but not for herself. The thought of letting anyone down is unthinkable and certainly not acceptable. Where do I go from here?… She’s been taught love, shown strength and given hope. Opening her eyes, she allows herself to see life for the first time in a very long while. No longer afraid, no longer alone…
- All things are possible… (lamarrwenrich.wordpress.com)